Do Something.

If you are reading this in English, thank a veteran.

Our veterans need our support. Most of us express support in words... but then we take our ball and go home. We leave it to others to actually DO things in support of those who secure our freedom. I submit to you that if EVERYONE did this, NOTHING would get done. Be part of the solution. Who better to do something than you? You can't save the world but if you add your small contribution to those of others... and then others add theirs... and still others... think what could happen?

If you don't have money to spare, donate your time. If you don't have time to spare, take a few moments to pass on links or emails or web sites to inform others. No contribution is too small. There is nothing worse than apathy when it comes to our veterans. Their needs don't end with their service. What they've done for us is immeasurable. I submit to you that each and every one of us should do SOMETHING to be worthy of the gifts we've been given by others. And if those ideas don't hit home, consider this: What if we do such a poor job of responding to the needs of our veterans that serving in our armed forces becomes unattractive and undesirable? What if those who might serve decide that we aren't worth the effort? I can't imagine that would ever happen... but where would we be?? We know they don't do it for the money. They do it for US.

DO SOMETHING. NOW.

There are many outstanding veterans organizations and advocacy groups. Here are just a few places one might start:

Rolling Thunder - Don't forget our service members who never made it home.

Disabled American Veterans - Not everyone comes home without trauma or injury.

Veterans of Foreign Wars

United Service Organizations

Freedom to enjoy the Smiths.

I hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend and that the meaning of the holiday wasn't lost. For the third consecutive year we went to our local horse racetrack with my husband's ROTC color guard to participate in their Memorial Day ceremony. This is always a pleasure as they give us the VIP treatment (valet parking, free food and drinks in the clubhouse, etc). But as has been the case each time, the 82 year old WWII veteran who runs the ceremony brought me to tears with his short poem in tribute to those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. I managed to hold it together for that, but when they played Taps I lost it. I don't think I'll ever be able to get through that song again in my life without breaking down. Several years ago I attended a funeral service for my friend's husband who was killed in action near the beginning of Operation Iraqi Freedom. This was the single most somber experience of my life to date, compounded by the fact that she gave the eulogy herself. The follow up of that with Taps and the 21 Gun Salute will echo in my memory forever. So, yes, I lost it when they played Taps yesterday. My son grabbed my arm and said, "It's OK, Mom. It's OK." I couldn't find the words to tell him that, in fact, it's not really OK. The average American doesn't seem to even understand that Veterans Day honors all veterans but Memorial Day honors our fallen heroes. Nonetheless, to paraphrase that colorful, seasoned 82 year old veteran, we shouldn't focus on the sadness of their deaths but we should rejoice and be thankful that they lived. And there is no better time than RIGHT NOW to thank our veterans for their dedicated service to our country-- no matter who you are or what your political beliefs may be.

On a brighter note and in celebration of our wonderful freedom of choice:

One of my very favorite celebrity couples is Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith. How can you not just adore both of them?

I've been a fan of Will's since all the way back in the DJ Jazzy Jeff and Fresh Prince days. Oh, yes. He's jazzy, jazzy...his name is Jeff..... Talk about a sidekick who fell out of the limelight. But I digress.

The Fresh Prince of Bel Air was fine, although nowhere near his best work. We all loved the Men In Black movies and Independence Day, I Robot and all of those blockbusters. I personally enjoyed Enemy of the State a lot (possibly because it was the brief return of the Cosby Show's Lisa Bonet and also had Regina King, Gene Hackman, John Voight, Barry Pepper, Scott Caan, Jason Lee, Gabriel Byrne, Jamie Kennedy and Tom Sizemore among others!!). But this past weekend we sat down and took in I Am Legend. I thought perhaps he would never surpass the genius he showed in the film The Pursuit of Happiness which co-starred his son, Jaden. To date, that was one of the most compelling performances I have ever seen. For heaven sake.... I lost it during the infamous bathroom scene. But along comes "I Am Legend." He flew mostly solo for this film. He interacted with himself, his dog, lab rats and mannequins. The movie freaked me out and if you've seen it, you understand why. But his performance was, in a word, breathtaking. He deserves any available recognition.

Jada Pinkett Smith is also one of my absolute favorite people to watch onscreen. I loved her as the snarky little sidekick in A Low Down Dirty Shame and she's been a treasure in dozens of other films. The best of the best, though, and one of my all-time favorite films was Kingdom Come. For the love of all that is holy, if you haven't seen this movie you simply MUST get it and watch it NOW. The cast includes too many to mention. Cedric The Entertainer, Whoopi Goldberg, L.L. Cool J., Toni Braxton, Anthony Anderson and Loretta Devine are just a few. But Jada's portrayal of Charisse Slocumb was one of the funniest performances of her career. I find myself right this moment being aggravated by the fact that I don't have this on DVD. I need to rectify that.... Incidentally, I also really loved the track "Try Me" from this movie's soundtrack. It's fantastic.

At any rate, between these two, their body of work is astounding. We need good entertainment as much as we need anything these days, and I submit that this family has done WAY more than their fair share to contribute. I'm completely OK with them being gazillionaires as a result. And I root for their success unconditionally.

Image Facelift?

It's hard to know exactly what others' perception is sometimes. We all have our own biases that come from our opinions, our social and economic status, our personal value systems, etc. We can attempt to look at ourselves objectively but never truly do so-- so we can't ever fully know how we as individuals or as a group of associated people appears to the outside world. We can guess, but we can't be sure.

My own values, biases, interactions and speculation lead me to some conclusions about what the outside world (in this case, civilians who would be like us but have no personal affiliation with the military) thinks of military families. Of military spouses in particular. I think the following stereotypes may apply depending on who you ask:

• Military spouses are part of the bedrock of a society that values freedom and democracy. (Thank you, veterans and patriots!).

• Military spouses (and their active duty partners) are ignorant and have no idea that they could do better things if they were better informed.
• Military spouses only care about the military. They have nothing else to offer to the social melting pot in America.
• Military spouses are usually republican war mongers. They were usually raised by like minded republican war mongers.
• Military spouses are too impressionable to even form their own beliefs and opinions: they are influenced by people of stronger conviction.
• Military spouses are all stay at home moms and most have a gaggle of undisciplined children who will later join one of the armed forces.

Obviously there are more positives out there than the one I listed. But there are lots of negatives that we are stereotyped with. It chaps my behind. After all, I fancy myself being quite independent of mind and if you ask my husband, he'll tell you I'm smarter than he is (although I disagree!). True, my father is a Vietnam vet (USAF-- enlisted voluntarily, thank-you-very-much) who detests Jane Fonda and usually votes republican. But that is something I am proud of, not something I feel has earmarked me for right wing extremism. I don't agree with everything my parents believe. And, take my mother: a woman who started following the Grateful Dead when no one was still was. Needless to say, they divorced when I was very small. Factoring in the significant differences in my parents' values, a sufficient amount of my own brain power and various social interactions over the years, and I have been able to develop into an actual person with her own beliefs and priorities in life.

One thing I strive for and pride myself at doing consistently is to maintain my own individuality while being a very proud military spouse. I don't sit around waving the flag all day-- although I can list countless worse ways to spend one's time. But I have two great kids, friends, a very nice resume, recently initiated undergraduate studies, volunteer experience, and, dammit, a nice house and car, too. All of which I have achieved without my mama or my daddy's help (unless you count conception, bankrolling, general guidance and love over the years!). My name is on our mortgage right next to my husband's. I have a 401K account in my very own little name. I can argue my husband in circles for hours regarding the issue of immigration (one of the few major issues we tend to disagree on). I have some web sites and some piddly little stores that I'm doing just because they are fun and I hope to do some good along the way-- always. And I know I am not alone. I know there are thousands of other military spouses like me out there. Many are more educated, even smarter and have accomplished even more than I have in ways that are independent of their husbands (and wives, where applicable).

Based on the above negative stereotypes, though-- which I know are not the ONLY opinions out there-- I think we need an extreme makeover as a group. I'm not sure how to go about that and I'm fairly sure that I care far more than anyone outside our circle does. But it's on my mind. Maybe I will do some research and try to shine a light on some of the movers and shakers in our midst. Yeah, I think that's worth doing. Stand by.