How Not To Be A Triflin' Hooker at the USMC Birthday Ball

1. Remember that while your Marine is happy to have you on his arm, this function is about the Marines.  It's their birthday.  Happy birthday to THEM. 
2. Try to keep your pre-flight to a minimum, if any, so that at best you will arrive smelling like perfume and at worst you won't smell like Jager bombs.
3. Try to follow the intended dress code.  Google it if necessary.
4. Remember that the laws about indecent exposure apply, even within the closed doors of your ball's venue. 
5. Attempt to wear shoes you can walk in.  There are any number of things which can require you to need them.
6. No corsages.  Refer to number 1 above.
7. Try not to be too judgmental of other ladies.  Some of us don't spend hundreds of dollars on our hair and nails.  We just may not care as much about the packaging.  But we're people, too.
8. Smile from time to time and say Hi to people.  They won't bite and they usually like it.
9. Do not attempt to teach your Marine (or his friends) the correct way to do the Electric Slide.  That ship has sailed.
10. If you are horrified by the tasteless dresses, shoes or accessories of other guests, attempt to refrain from commenting until you have left the function.  It will be both more polite and more fun.
11. Dresses with hoop skirts =  Fail.
12. Forego profanity during the dinner portion of the meal. 
13. Do not talk, whisper, cough, gag or chair dance during the ceremonial portions of the event. 
14. If the fit of your dress prohibits a dance move, you probably shouldn't attempt it.
15. No, the women Marines at the function are not jealous of your dress.  Refer to the latter portion of number 1 above.
16. It's likely you'll do some touching up of your makeup in the bathroom and this is perfectly acceptable.  Try, however, not to hold up the line for those who actually have to pee.  Their bladder issues trump your eyeliner dilemma from a humanitarian standpoint.
17. If you're going to spill your drink on someone, aim for a civilian. 
18. Don't be scared of the CO or his wife, but try to wait until your mouth isn't full before speaking to them.
19. No dancing on the bar until the after party.
20. Behave but don't take yourself too seriously.  Not one person is going to remember your dress, your shoes or your hairdo.  And if they do, you're doing it wrong.

Wearing your biography?

A few random thoughts today.

First, I'm very proud of my husband for his hard work on the "stuff" for work over this past weekend. He's the man.

Next, I really enjoyed the formal event we went to on Saturday, even if I was the ONLY Marine's wife there. This was an all-branches event (my first of its kind) so the Marines were the minority, anyway. But I had the added pressure of knowing that I was our only spouse representation so I really had to behave myself! At any rate, over the course of the evening I engaged in some interesting conversations about the various uniforms for each branch of service. I love this type of information. I find it interesting that there isn't more.... well... uniformity. Across the branches, that is. For their uniforms. They are all so different. And some similar-looking items mean completely different things. I haven't done research on this yet because today's to-do list is long and I don't want to get distracted. But, I gathered from one of the soldiers present that the horizontal lines on the left sleeve of one of their uniforms are indicative of the number of one's deployments. Whereas the ones on the right are for years of service (1 "hash mark" for each 4 years, just like the Marines have on both sides). Combining that with the various ribbons, metals, insignia and even (in some cases) lapel colors, an informed person could interpret a soldier's entire military resume' just by looking at his uniform. That's nifty. It's also a lot more specific than in the case of Marines. I didn't get to examine or learn more about the Air Force uniforms, unfortunately. And the Navy's, as I understand them to date, are more general in terms of markings (like the Marines). That's good considering that the Navy has already complicated things quite enough with all of their different titles. For enlisted ranks, they don't just use the rank as their title (like Marines do). Nope. They all have different titles depending on their MOSs. I worked in a Navy facility for 3 years and I still never got it all worked out.

While the soldiers were walking around in their biographies, I wondered if the same held true for some of their dates. I'm going to have to go old school here for a minute, ladies, and offer some suggestions.

-Try to wear formal attire to formal events. Ask yourself "Is it conceivable that I could wear Keds with this?" If so, then don't wear it to a formal function.

-Try NOT to be "that guy's" wife/girlfriend. You know the one. Her dress is 4 sizes too small or it's see-through. If she were half as cute as she thought she was, she'd be America's Next Top Model.

-Go ahead and look hot! It's OK if the others glare at you-- that's a COMPLIMENT. Just make sure you're doing it tastefully. Your guy will appreciate it.

-Don't wear horribly uncomfortable dresses or shoes-- it's just not worth it at the end because you'll spend valuable time adjusting or going to the ladies' to check yourself over. You'll most likely miss the most fun of the evening-- that one silly thing or notable conversation. Then you'll have to live with the shame.

I know I'm getting old. But I was tastefully dressed and yet still got a few choice dirty looks from the other ladies so that tells me that mama hasn't completely lost her game yet. Sweet!

Why do we do that to each other, anyway?! It's so animal kingdom.

Meanwhile, I have finally mananged to get some stuff in the Etsy store (yay!) and I have a new addition to Semper Troops. I think I'm going to order the postcards.