How Not To Be A Triflin' Hooker at the USMC Birthday Ball

1. Remember that while your Marine is happy to have you on his arm, this function is about the Marines.  It's their birthday.  Happy birthday to THEM. 
2. Try to keep your pre-flight to a minimum, if any, so that at best you will arrive smelling like perfume and at worst you won't smell like Jager bombs.
3. Try to follow the intended dress code.  Google it if necessary.
4. Remember that the laws about indecent exposure apply, even within the closed doors of your ball's venue. 
5. Attempt to wear shoes you can walk in.  There are any number of things which can require you to need them.
6. No corsages.  Refer to number 1 above.
7. Try not to be too judgmental of other ladies.  Some of us don't spend hundreds of dollars on our hair and nails.  We just may not care as much about the packaging.  But we're people, too.
8. Smile from time to time and say Hi to people.  They won't bite and they usually like it.
9. Do not attempt to teach your Marine (or his friends) the correct way to do the Electric Slide.  That ship has sailed.
10. If you are horrified by the tasteless dresses, shoes or accessories of other guests, attempt to refrain from commenting until you have left the function.  It will be both more polite and more fun.
11. Dresses with hoop skirts =  Fail.
12. Forego profanity during the dinner portion of the meal. 
13. Do not talk, whisper, cough, gag or chair dance during the ceremonial portions of the event. 
14. If the fit of your dress prohibits a dance move, you probably shouldn't attempt it.
15. No, the women Marines at the function are not jealous of your dress.  Refer to the latter portion of number 1 above.
16. It's likely you'll do some touching up of your makeup in the bathroom and this is perfectly acceptable.  Try, however, not to hold up the line for those who actually have to pee.  Their bladder issues trump your eyeliner dilemma from a humanitarian standpoint.
17. If you're going to spill your drink on someone, aim for a civilian. 
18. Don't be scared of the CO or his wife, but try to wait until your mouth isn't full before speaking to them.
19. No dancing on the bar until the after party.
20. Behave but don't take yourself too seriously.  Not one person is going to remember your dress, your shoes or your hairdo.  And if they do, you're doing it wrong.

Drive by F-bomb.

I had the most refreshing phone conversation with an associate yesterday.  By "associate" I am referring to one I have never met who works for the same company but in a different state.  So although he was an associate I have never made his acquaintance.

To make a long story short, I was making a serious of phone calls to such associates for a specific fact finding purpose related to a project.  The project itself (not so much my calls or me in particular), suffice it to say, has not inspired joy in the participants. 

The conversation with the aforementioned gentleman was novel because during the conversation he very blatantly yet casually implemented swear words to communicate his disgust with another associate or supervisor (I'm not sure which term applies here).  Two prerequisites for my having been amused by this were:

1. I am not offended by curse words

2. The profanity in question was not directed at me.

What a breath of fresh air.  The very idea that someone was utterly unafraid of being tattled on to management or offending another by being socially, if not politically, incorrect?  The lack of restraint or care of consequence was delightful.  Was it necessarily his most strategic move?  Certainly not.  But I could hardly have come away from the conversation doubting his sincerity.  And I don't know if the associate he was referring to is, in fact, the son of a bleepin' bleep I was told he was... but I tend to think, probably so.

Check out usmcwives.com.

Testing the site's new widget.  =)

I want you to take a look at : Welcome to usmcwives.com.

What NOT to be for Halloween.

  Of course there are endless options for costumes.  Best to rule some out and narrow it down a bit.  I suggest that these be immediately removed from the list of contenders so that you can focus on more viable options:

 

Big Mac?      Cheesy.

 

  Amy Winehouse.  It's played out.  Let it go.

 

This one would rock... but one of the other kids would know who you were supposed to be. 

 

 Your peeps might not want to be seen with you wearing this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Slim Jim.  Step OUT of it.

 

Seriously?  No.  

 

 In the wrong hood, these colors could get you killed.

   Wonder Woman:  You're doing it wrong.

 

Good luck with your choice!

Why am I SUCH a Marine's wife??

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.  The fact that my husband is a Marine is one of the least remarkable details about me as a person.  It's certainly important and something I'm proud of, but it's not my most defining characteristic by any means.  So, why is it that when communicating online this seems to be of the utmost importance?

I think I've figured it out.

I seek out other Marines' loved ones because I don't have good contacts with them in the real world right now.  We are settled into an urban area with no Marine Corps presence to speak of.  Around here when I speak of my husband's EAS or give "AMOI" as his job description or complain about the lack of a commissary, I might as well be speaking a foreign language.   Not one person in my immediate environment has been through a deployment or has any concept of what a drill instructor does. 

So, online, I seek out the friends that I'm missing here.  The ones who "get" this portion of our life. 

But, in the meantime, I'm still an enthusiastic UNC Tarheels basketball fan.  I'm still an avid coffee drinker and Ikea shopper.  I still have my favorite books and TV series.  I make jewelry.  I've got my college studies, part-time job, family and home.  So I suppose it's OK for me to be a big old "Marine Wife" online.  Because I've got that, too.  ;)

How to annoy your friends, family or coworkers.

Just a few guidelines.  Some of which have been around awhile and some that are my own brainchildren.

 

• Make a daily announcement of the "Word of the Day."  UrbanDictionary.com is a good resource for material.  The word of the day is "snarkoleptic."
• Insist that they call you by your wrestling or pimp name. "That's Reverend Dr. C Ice, to you."
• Answer questions with questions.  If someone says, "What if...." you say "If your sister had a penis would she still be your sister??"
• Have a countdown to a commonplace event and announce status frequently and enthusiastically.  "Two hours 'til lunch!!!"  "Thirty minutes 'til lunch!!!'
• Reply to simple questions with complex answers.  To, "What would you like for lunch?" reply "I don't know.  Let me look into that.  A lot of issues come into play."
• Announce your support of your friend/family member/coworker's presidential candidate of choice.  Then list the numerous reasons you support him-- all of which are the contrasting attributes of the opposing candidate.
• Make known your plans to make a fort over the weekend.  Ask for volunteers to assist.
• Ask for signatures on your petition for a reunion of  J Geils Band.  (Actually, this is just a good idea.  I loved these guys).
• Correct everyone's grammar.... incorrectly.  "It's not 'she does,' it's she DO."
• Enthusiastically pass out copies of your fruitcake recipe.
• Hum.  Constantly.

Hello out there (or, in here?).

I have recently come to the realization that I would be irretrievably lost without my computers and the internet. The plural used because, of course, I have more than one. I've got the PC that I use for most things but then I also have the laptop for mobility purposes. I'm no world traveler, but what if I had to leave home for a matter of hours? The idea of being web-less is unthinkable. And, as you could guess, the laptop is a Mac for the sake of covering all bases.

I go to school completely online (yay, MN State College) and I've even worked completely from home in the past using this trusty rig in my office. I've got this web site going and it's not the only one. I talk to associates far and wide with emails and PMs and wall posts of various sorts. I even prefer emailing my parents these days instead of phone calls.

What would happen if the whole thing just crashed? Either my computers were gone or the web crashed and burned? Aside from the fact that I'd have a lot more free time on my hands, I think I'd be quite lost. And I know without asking that I'm not the only one!

My country 'tis of me.

I haven't been able to post a blog in ages due to having too many things on my schedule. Too busy doing things to reflect on them. But the present situation with the upcoming election is motivation enough for me to take a few minutes out of my busy schedule to rant against idiocy in the modern era.

So, suffice it to say this is an editorial blog. My opinions and no one else's.

I am sick of the press. Sick, sick, sick. Hi, Mr. Reporter: Cram it. Stop giving me your editorials cleverly disguised as "breaking news." Call them what they are. Everything from subliminal messages to outright propaganda is turning up in what is allegedly our fair and unbiased news media. And I wish they'd just come out of the closet if they're campaigning. For either side. It will never happen, though, because the assumption is that the American sheep people are too ignorant and naive as a whole to realize when they're being handled. As for me, I'd rather listen to a proponent of another party's candidate rant on openly for hours than be subtly inundated with political "news." Just my own preference.

Perhaps a good, succinct commentary about the state of affairs here in the land of the free would be what happened at my house the other night. My husband put a couple of campaign signs in our yard-- for which candidate is irrelevant to my point-- and they lasted a mere 5 days. 5 days before someone came along after 11:00 PM one night and removed one... and BURNED the other. Burned it. Lit it on fire. I wouldn't even have known about this were it not for the blue lights of the police car outside my house. Some youngsters driving past had grabbed the fire extinguisher out of their SUV and put out the fire. Thank goodness. But, yes, the sign was burnt to oblivion. But this was not likely a political act. It was the act of misguided youth with nothing but too much free time and a lighter. While they may be supporters of the other party, I doubt that would even be relevant and it's hard to imagine them taking the time to vote-- even if they are old enough. So here in this country right now we've got people who are interested in the election... and we've got people who think staying out past curfew and burning stuff is righteous cool. We're all one big happy family, aren't we? And with all due respect to Senators Obama and McCain, I don't think either one of them is likely to make much of a dent in the social, economical and corporate idiocy going on everywhere right now.

We are all going to vote for the candidate we think will best further our own agenda-- whatever that might be. Some of us won't vote at all because our agenda might be furthered by doing nothing. We will choose based on race, religious views, economic policy, foreign policy and other criteria that are truly about what WE want. And who knows what will come of the result.

But when it's all said and done, we're going to go back to our lives and do what we want. All in spite of one another. But let's just call it what it is: every man for himself.