Image Facelift?

It's hard to know exactly what others' perception is sometimes. We all have our own biases that come from our opinions, our social and economic status, our personal value systems, etc. We can attempt to look at ourselves objectively but never truly do so-- so we can't ever fully know how we as individuals or as a group of associated people appears to the outside world. We can guess, but we can't be sure.

My own values, biases, interactions and speculation lead me to some conclusions about what the outside world (in this case, civilians who would be like us but have no personal affiliation with the military) thinks of military families. Of military spouses in particular. I think the following stereotypes may apply depending on who you ask:

• Military spouses are part of the bedrock of a society that values freedom and democracy. (Thank you, veterans and patriots!).

• Military spouses (and their active duty partners) are ignorant and have no idea that they could do better things if they were better informed.
• Military spouses only care about the military. They have nothing else to offer to the social melting pot in America.
• Military spouses are usually republican war mongers. They were usually raised by like minded republican war mongers.
• Military spouses are too impressionable to even form their own beliefs and opinions: they are influenced by people of stronger conviction.
• Military spouses are all stay at home moms and most have a gaggle of undisciplined children who will later join one of the armed forces.

Obviously there are more positives out there than the one I listed. But there are lots of negatives that we are stereotyped with. It chaps my behind. After all, I fancy myself being quite independent of mind and if you ask my husband, he'll tell you I'm smarter than he is (although I disagree!). True, my father is a Vietnam vet (USAF-- enlisted voluntarily, thank-you-very-much) who detests Jane Fonda and usually votes republican. But that is something I am proud of, not something I feel has earmarked me for right wing extremism. I don't agree with everything my parents believe. And, take my mother: a woman who started following the Grateful Dead when no one was still was. Needless to say, they divorced when I was very small. Factoring in the significant differences in my parents' values, a sufficient amount of my own brain power and various social interactions over the years, and I have been able to develop into an actual person with her own beliefs and priorities in life.

One thing I strive for and pride myself at doing consistently is to maintain my own individuality while being a very proud military spouse. I don't sit around waving the flag all day-- although I can list countless worse ways to spend one's time. But I have two great kids, friends, a very nice resume, recently initiated undergraduate studies, volunteer experience, and, dammit, a nice house and car, too. All of which I have achieved without my mama or my daddy's help (unless you count conception, bankrolling, general guidance and love over the years!). My name is on our mortgage right next to my husband's. I have a 401K account in my very own little name. I can argue my husband in circles for hours regarding the issue of immigration (one of the few major issues we tend to disagree on). I have some web sites and some piddly little stores that I'm doing just because they are fun and I hope to do some good along the way-- always. And I know I am not alone. I know there are thousands of other military spouses like me out there. Many are more educated, even smarter and have accomplished even more than I have in ways that are independent of their husbands (and wives, where applicable).

Based on the above negative stereotypes, though-- which I know are not the ONLY opinions out there-- I think we need an extreme makeover as a group. I'm not sure how to go about that and I'm fairly sure that I care far more than anyone outside our circle does. But it's on my mind. Maybe I will do some research and try to shine a light on some of the movers and shakers in our midst. Yeah, I think that's worth doing. Stand by.